Sayonara, Japan. Hello, disaster.

NOTE: This final post of our Japanese trip is written partially from the plane and partially days after getting home because I needed several of those to get over what can only be described as "absolute fuckery".

Our final transit day has arrived, and it is time to say goodbye to Japan.

Packing was relatively easy as we had gotten through most of it the night before. It was really just getting dressed, packing toiletries and looking for loose toys that might have been missed.

I wanted to get a taxi to Hiroshima station so downloaded the Go app to sort that out. Annoyingly there is nowhere to specify how many people are travelling or what size car you need. The closest it came was a bit to tick that you wanted a car with sliding doors because they are good for multiple people and luggage. That’s it. Unconvinced, I ordered two cars just to be safe. Neither of the two cars that showed up would have fit all of us in one so it proved the right call. We split up and momentarily for the 10-minute drive and reunited at the station.

We found our bullet train gate with relative ease and then grabbed something to eat from a bakery close by. Teneille’s day endured early disappointment when she found out the Pokémon Centre at Hiroshima Station was not opening until 30 minutes after we departed.

Sake barrels at a shrine.

Our bullet train to Shin-Osaka took about an hour-and-a-half and was fine apart from a little luggage rearrangement after we inadvertently stored our gear in a reserved section. Oops.

Sounds like a smooth day, right? Wrong. Shin-Osaka was pandemonium wrapped in stress wrapped in sweat.

We exited the Shinkansen platforms and started following signs directing us to trains for the airport until those signs just stopped. We found a gate that a station officer told us was not the gate we were looking for. His Jedi mind control worked and we backtracked to another gate where a different station officer told us we had been in the right place originally. Sigh. Stress was building. We only had 30 minutes to make our connection and apparently it was only a three-minute walk between platforms. Yeah right.

We went through a gate to officially exit the Shinkansen lines and found the gates to access the airport trains. Our problems got worse from here. The tickets I’d printed were completely different for the airport line because it was a different system. The QR codes I scanned weren’t registering. A third station officer, let’s call him SO3, said these were ticket reservations and I need to scan the code at a machine to be issued with the actual tickets. Fine. I found the machines and they would accept the QR codes either. Time was ticking away - 10 minutes until our train. I headed back to SO3 who came with me to the machine to try and get the tickets issued himself. No dice. It didn’t like him either. SO3 said I would need to visit the ticket office and get them to print the tickets for me. Five minutes to go.

Random picture of Kairi in Kyoto.

The ticket office was nearby but had a line in the style of Services NSW where someone at the door asks what you need and issues you a waiting number for the right department. SO4 asked me what I was after then told me they couldn’t help me. They weren’t printing tickets in this office. I needed to go to the information centre. Where might that be, I ask. About 300m that way, SO4 replied. He even gave me a map which didn’t inspire much confidence this information centre was easily located. Three minutes.

Ah yes, there’s nothing quite like that rising wave of panic when you’re in a foreign country and have to be somewhere by a certain time and have no fucking idea what you’re doing. I channeled my inner Kel Knight and power-walked cute little arse over there. I found it easily enough then joined the line for the counter about the time our train left the station. Once I got the front of the line SO5 told me the reason the machine didn’t issue the tickets is because they needed our passport information and not all machines have passport scanners. This would have been helpful information if it was written down anywhere. But it wasn’t. Notwithstanding the fact I see no reason why they need passport information for someone catching a train to an airport. Just give me a bloody ticket. What if I just wanted to go and farewell a friend who was leaving the country. Ridiculous.

Me at Shin-Osaka.

SO5 eventually printed tickets that allowed us to catch a train 30 minutes later than planned. The amount of paperwork was nuts. She gave me back my printed QR codes which had now been stamped along with five receipts, five tickets to get through the gates and five tickets that couldn’t be used at gates but showed what carriage and seats we’d been allocated. Just print it on one bloody thing. Honestly.

I then Kel Knighted myself back to the airport gate which my family thought I’d abandoned them at to begin a new life in Japan as an expert shuriken-throwing ninja and we finally made it onto the platform. I should also mention the station crowds were insane. There were people everywhere and that only compounded the stress. We finally grabbed our train for the last leg of the journey to the airport.

The check-in line was fairly long when we arrived at the airport given we were 30-40 minutes late. By the time we checked our bags, went through the boarding pass scanner, went through security, went through immigration and then walked to our gate, it was only 20 minutes until boarding. There were no shops and no places to eat around us which meant we leave Japan without about 5000 yen I’d hoped to let the kids blow on useless souvenir junk.

We boarded our Philippines Airlines flight and left on time. The flight was uneventful and we touched down in Manila four hours later. What followed was an insane string of security procedures I still don’t quite understand.

Sunset as we came into Manila.

Our flight landed and then we sat in the tarmac for 20 minutes while we waited for buses to take us to the terminal. I don’t know if it is a cultural thing but people on the flight DNGAF about letting the rows in front of you go first. After several people behind us barged through the aisle I just stepped out and blocked them until my family was able to escape.

Once in the terminal we waited 30 minutes to go through security where they scanned us and our carry-on luggage. We eventually got through and found her gate. We got the kids something to eat and waited for our plane to board. As our plane started boarding we got our boarding passes checked only to be told we needed to go back upstairs because our checked luggage needed to be swabbed. Apparently this is an Australian Government requirement. I do not know why. What the hell are our customs staff doing at their end of all this bullshit is happening here. Our plane departs in 10 minutes, I said. It will wait for you, I was told.

Truth be told, we were informed our bags would need to get rechecked when we left Japan, but the message was confusing. I approached staff before we boarded in Japan to clarify and was told no, our checked luggage would just go through to Sydney ok. Because of that we didn’t do this process immediately when we arrived.

One of our planes

I had to run back upstairs and wait in a line of other Sydney-bound people who had been caught out. I was eventually granted access to a lift down to the baggage basement where I had to unlock and open each of our suitcases so they could be swabbed, relocked, sticker applied and sent to the plane (I hoped). I then ran back to the gate so we could board but before that the scanned our carry-on luggage again. WTF? The only stuff we could have added to our carry-on luggage since the last scan is stuff from the shops within the secure area of the airport that would supposedly be approved to be there. Utter madness.

We were finally granted admission to our flight. There were still 11 people behind us I heard a staff member say. The flight departed at least an hour late because of this insanity. Nothing takes the glow of a holiday away quite like having to wade through airport bullshit.

The flight to Sydney went by quickly for some given it was an overnight trip so many people were able to sleep or snooze their way through the bulk of the route. About three hours from Sydney, however, things took a turn for our family.

Both Kairi and Emily got awful motion sickness. Kairi vomited four times before we landed. Emily was worse - at least seven times by my count every 20-30 minutes for the last few hours. Staff got over my constant requests for additional sick bags and eventually cut out the middleman (themselves) by simply giving me a whole stack.

Thankfully, as we landed, Kairi came good. Emily did not. She vomited again in customs, again while waiting outside for our Uber and one more time as we exited the Uber at mum and dad's apartment where we had parked the car while they were on their own overseas trip. At least our bags came relatively fast and we breezed through customs. Small mercies.

We chilled out at Redfern for about an hour instead of heading straight home so Emily could rest on a flat, non-moving surface. She had a snooze on the balcony lounge before we finally managed to bundle everyone into the car and drive home. Our plane was meant to land around 7:30am but didn't do so until 9am thanks to the Manila baggage dramas. I thought we'd be home around 10am based on all the initial plans. We don't walk in the front door until after 1pm.

And that is it. Back to school and back to work. Until the next one.